


Super Secret Sex Handshakes

by Somebodys_Hermione



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb/Essek if you really really squint, F/F, Pure Unprocessed Comedy, References to BDSM, References to Sex, awkwardness of running into your friends at 3am after having sex, beau is a useless sub but its not really relevant pt. ii, complicated hand shakes, hilarious awkwardness, not set in a specific time in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somebodys_Hermione/pseuds/Somebodys_Hermione
Summary: Yasha and Jester keep running into each other at 3am sneaking out of their respective partner's rooms. Like, it *keeps* happening.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Fjord/Jester Lavorre
Comments: 13
Kudos: 346





	Super Secret Sex Handshakes

**Author's Note:**

> this was written entirely because of this meme: https://r0ll4initiative.tumblr.com/post/636987553832189952/this-is-a-scene-i-desperately-need-to-happen
> 
> Also, the BDSM references are because of a running joke in my writing and are not explicit (this is mostly just very very stupid) but feel free to pass if that's not you're jam

The first time it had happened they hadn’t said much. Because, really, what were you supposed to say when you crossed paths with one of your closest friends at 3 in the morning, coming out of one of your other friend's rooms in a shitty inn in the middle of nowhere, wearing either a blouse that was completely unbuttoned with a rumpled skirt and severely smudged blue lipstick or a long gray tunic and  _ absolutely nothing else, _ depending on what side of the encounter you had the utter misfortune to end up on?

Jester, to her infinite credit, had tried very hard to approach the situation with a smile and a wink, but Yasha was very much not the kind of person put at ease by a smile and a wink. Rather she was the kind of person who reacted to a smile and wink by wondering whether it was meant to be a secret message that she had somehow missed the meeting about and was therefore  _ supposed  _ to be on the receiving end of something very important she was meant to act on at that moment and was just completely missing the point. At this point, she didn’t have anything to worry about because Jester’s wink could be roughly translated to something along the lines of  _ Getting laid is fun! _ , but that didn’t stop Yasha from awkwardly running to her room and hoping Jester would never bring it up again. 

***

Jester hadn’t brought it up again, which had been a relief, but that didn’t fix the problem with the fact that they were now in the exact same position in a different inn 2.5 weeks later. 

Jester was not even wearing a top at all this time but was rather wrapped in a very large bedsheet. Yasha figured that probably meant she should probably say something this time. 

“uhhh...Congrats,” she offered. 

“Congratulations too, Yasha! Beau must be very flexible, so I’m sure you had a great time!” Jester smiled so genuinely, you’d almost forget what it was that she had actually just said, which led Yasha to simply stand with a mildly confused expression for several minutes. 

“Thank...you?”, she was finally able to offer back, rather stupidly, but Jester didn’t seem fazed, since the tiefling simply skipped back to her own room. Yasha briefly wondered if this was a kind of interaction people from Nicodranus had very often. She’d ask Fjord, maybe. 

***

Beau was already asleep next to her since Yasha was purposely trying to wait longer than she normally did to reduce her chances of running into Jester. It was, therefore, approximately 4:13 am when Yasha quietly slipped out of her girlfriend’s room. 

Jester had apparently had a similar idea because once again the two women found themselves face to face in the hallway. At this point, Yasha was willing to believe in divine intervention causing these awkward encounters. (Jester’s god seemed like that kind of an asshole anyway). 

Yasha quickly fumbled for a joke to make. Completely deadpan, she settled on, “You know, Jester, if we keep meeting like this, I’m going to have to fight you.”

Jester stared back blankly for what felt like an eternity before dissolving into giggles. “It’s not a competition, Yasha! In fact,” and Jester’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, “Maybe we can get Caleb to join our club if Essek ever comes with us someplace.”

Yasha snorted. 

***

It was about the fourth time they’d crossed paths this way before Jester made a decision. 

“You know Yasha, if we’re going to keep meeting like this, we should at least have, like, a secret handshake or something.”

“What kind of hand-shake Jester?” There was genuine curiosity in Yasha’s voice since secret handshakes didn’t tend to be common in the wastes of Xhorhas. 

“Well, I dunno, but we could make one. I have one with Bluud that even has a little dance.” She wiggled her hips for emphasis, but she didn’t get the usual skirt swishing she was going for since Jester was at that moment wearing one of Fjord’s shirts. 

“I think I would like that very much,” and Yasha smiled. 

They spent the next 45 minutes coming up with their procedure, dance routine included. 

***

They had plenty of time to practice the handshake over the coming months, and so by time number 9 of running into each other at god-awful times in the morning they were a well-oiled machine. 

They had gotten to the intricate twist part (it had taken Yasha  _ so long _ to get that bit right) when Yasha heard the door at the end of the hall open and a voice filter out. 

“Hey, Jester, I think you forgot your sketch...book...hey...Yasha, how are you doing?” The look on Fjord’s face clearly conveyed that he was falling back on social niceties to combat the fact that he had walked in on his girlfriend and co-worker/mutual friend dancing around wearing virtually no clothes, while he himself was in naught but his underwear. 

“I am doing good, Fjord, how about you?” Yasha had long since forgotten about the absurdity of their current situation. That wouldn’t last, however, because very soon after, Yasha turned to the sound of Beau calling her name before opening the door to their left. 

“Hey, Yasha, you said you were gonna keep the cuffs in your bag this time so...Veth doesn’t catch on…” Beau’s voice trickled off before sounding mildly strained in her next sentence. “Hey...Jester….and Fjord.”

There was no way to hide the fact that Beau was holding a relatively heavy set of leather handcuffs, just like there was no way to hide the spackling of bruises on the monk’s neck and the fact that her hair was the most disheveled anyone had seen it (besides Yasha), but oh boy, was Fjord trying to pretend that those facts were hidden so well he’d never even seen them. 

Yasha, similarly, looked like she wished the ground would open and swallow her whole. In what, outwardly, seemed like a moment of extreme panic, she quickly turned and continued doing the complicated handshake with Jester, who gamely started up again as well. 

Fjord and Beau made eye contact over the scene of their respective partners doing a very stupid dance in the hallway. They both nodded to each other in agreement and turned back into their respective rooms. Jester and Yasha made sure to finish their handshake before going to their rooms as well. 

***

Getting free days in Zadash was always a perk for the Nein. Full freedom to do whatever they wanted in the city? Yes, please. 

This time, after dropping their stuff off in the nearest inn, the group was planning on breaking off for the day. Veth was going to spend the day with her family, and Caleb and Cad wanted to go shopping, so Jester had finally convinced (worn-down) Fjord into spending a spa day with her. Seeing that everyone else was paired off, Beau had then suggested that Yasha join her for a sparring session at the Soul. 

When the group finally met up again, much later that evening, the first thing Jester did when she made it back to the tavern was make a beeline towards Yasha and initiate a very complicated handshake, which Yasha happily reciprocated. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what is this? When did you learn this?” Veth was clearly more than a bit annoyed to not be in the loop. 

“Oh, uhhhhhh…” Yasha was at a (not uncharacteristic) loss of words, but luckily Jester quickly jumped in with, “Oh, don’t worry about it Veth! It’s just a fun thing, ya know?”

Veth became so preoccupied with interrogating Jester that she didn’t notice Beau and Fjord making mildly uncomfortable eye-contact in the background. 

Beau raised her hand. “High five, dude.”

“I’m not doing that, Beau.”

“Fair enough,” and Beau lowered her hand. 

The group had the dubious privilege of spending the rest of the night occasionally hearing, “But,  _ when _ did you learn it, though?”

**Author's Note:**

> Again, shoutout to r0ll4initiative on tumblr for the meme and blame TheWisdomQueen  
> and congrats to Fjorjester!


End file.
